Love and Sex

Sex is not love. Sex has become satisfaction. In sex, if one is only seeking orgasm, or any other particular way of satisfaction through pain, obedience, control, and violence, love is not possible. The search for satisfaction in sex calls for cruelty and manipulation. Sex is used to tie each other down. It is used like a product in the market. Sex has become a mechanism for control and domination. This domination can be very direct or indirect. It could manifest in violent physical behavior of control, or subtle psychological influence, such as gaslighting and guilt-tripping.

Sex is superficial and transient. The experience of orgasm or sexual satisfaction fades away quickly. Sex is also based on the appearance of the body. It is the touch, sound, smell, taste, and looks of the body which arouses sexual desire. These are all superficial. Sex, therefore, can never reach the depth of love. It is a misnomer to call sex making love, because sex cannot make love. Love is deep, and it disregards any superficial quality, because what is superficial is unimportant to love. One can never arrive at love through sex. Sex can be used to control, to put a leash on the other, yet this is not love at all. Sex has become tremendously important to us because of its spontaneous nature. Yet, when there is spontaneity in daily life, sex loses its appeal, and becomes simply another passing pleasure, unimportant and enjoyable. Therefore, one does not demand to have sex. Sex is as important as a flower by the lakeside, or the silence of an early morning. Control and manipulation is the killer of spontaneity. When life is only control, we seek the spontaneous through control also, which only denies spontaneity. When life is spontaneous, love flowers naturally like the sun rises in the morning. There is kindness, caring, affection, because we are no longer determined to control and influence. This is why love is for all, because only control can focus on a specific group or person. Love does not discriminate. When there is no desire for control, love is.


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